Wednesday, October 2, 2013

A Realization.

So hey, how are ya?

(long post ahead warning)

I have recently (yesterday) came to a realization about myself and how I look at life. No, this isn't going to be one of those "I find Jesus and go into a convent" posts. that's NEVER gonna happen. So don't worry. Okay. Now that's out of the way...

I came to my realization while eating a tasty meatball sandwich at Subway. The epiphany I had went something like this- picture having an internal dialogue with your conscience, if you will.

"This isn't really good for you."
"I know that, and I don't care."
"You SHOULD care."
"Aaaaannnd why is that?"
"Because the only one you're hurting by eating all this crappy-ass food is YOURSELF."

Now, none of you know me all that well. I happen to be considered (maybe?) 'Morbidly Obese' by those health people that make those decisions from wherever. I am 265 pounds, and it shows. I have been ashamed of myself for quite some time because i have been carrying (in the form of my weight) a lot of guilt around some stuff that has never been, nor will ever be, my cross to bear. That guilt rightfully belongs on someone else's shoulders...but I digress. I also use it as a defense mechanism, and I'm not going to lie, it's worked pretty goddamned well for a very long time.

Yesterday I decided that all of it was bullshit. no one else is going to be suffering the physical maladies I'll eventually have from carrying this extra heft around. I'll be doing that. No one else is gonna be paying them bills either. Again, that will be me. So...I think I've finally smartened up, and have already started making healthier eating choices. So...I guess that's it. That's all I wanted to say.